Lockeroom Wanker Cup

Hey Google, Thanks !

Yesterday, the search term " why do wives hate golf" led some poor soul to the front door of my blog.

If someone is so desperate to hear this answer that they google it, then by all means come on in and have a seat.

Reasons:

 #1. Golf is stupid.

#2. You spend more money on golf than you do on taking your wife anywhere (the doctor's office does not count because it is your fault we got knocked up).

#3. You have ADD so badly that you cannot mow the lawn all in one attempt. But yet, you manage to keep your concentration for 4 hours straight on the golf course. Lucky for you I have attached a little white dimpled ball to the front of the mower so maybe you can chase that around while the mower is on.

#4. Did I say 4 hours ? Well, that all depends doesn't it ? Sometimes it takes you 4 hours and others it takes you 6 and when it does take you 6 and I question that you act as if it always has and I'm losing my mind for not remembering that.

#5. You think that getting a new club is an excuse for having to play this God awful game again, no matter that you just played yesterday. You don't see me buying a new brand of tampons and insisting I go swimming right this second to try them out and make sure they work.

#6. The delusion that the beer girl wants to nail you right there on the 9th fairway, is just that. A delusion. She's just like a stripper honey, the more you like her, the more you buy. And the more you buy, the drunker you get. The more drunk you get, the more you tip her.

#7. You do not have to play golf every time you are invited. Ya just don't. Really, they won't meet you at the playground at 3:30 and beat you up if you don't. Even though I remind you of that, you remind me that it's bad business to decline an invitation. Really ? How about bad marriage advice 101 ? It's worse to tell your wife that-- even though she is sick, 3 of your kids are sick and the other 3 are acting like they found a meth lab --that you're gonna go hit the sticks because you don't really feel like being at work today. Well, guess what ? Maybe your wife doesn't feel like being married today fucker.